My Manic Monday Morning...

I can’t believe it’s only10am and I’m sooooo ready to go home.  It’s not so much a being tired thingy, but I don’t see this day could have any more twists and turns.

It started out as it always does, waking up to the alarm at 5am.  However, feeling the ‘Manic Monday’ vibes, I hit the snooze alarm and didn’t wake up until about 630am, commonly known to me as ‘uber late!’

Rushing off to catch the bus, things seemed normal, just a bit later in the morning than I’m used to.  However, once on the 110 freeway, the bus started lurching and jerking, reminding me of my ride on the mechanical bull.  By the time we got to the USC bus stop, we had to get off of the bus since the driver had pushed this dying horse as far as it was going to go.

Dejected, we all stepped out from the comfort of our mechanical bull onto the noisy freeway bus stop.  It was mass chaos since no one really knew where to go or what to do.  It was fascinating to watch normally rational people rush onto random MTA buses just to go somewhere other than where they were.  

After about 3-4 random buses passed, I found out that a bus was going in my direction.  Undaunted, but very late, I stepped on with a few other stranded passengers.  Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw next…. A guy who looked like a 70 year old Criss Angel sitting with a huge wheelie suitcase that had a nearly identically dressed female mannequin bungee corded to it.

I couldn’t resist… I had to sit down next to him.  You’ll be proud to know I lasted a full 45 seconds before I said, “ok, so what’s up with this?”

Turning towards me, I saw the geriatric Criss Angel’s long black stringy and greasy hair… and black lipstick that had mostly worn off (I was going to tell him about MAC's lip primer and a rockin' black liner I saw at Sephora, but decided to keep that to myself).  He said, “She’s my wife.  Women nag too much, don’t take care of themselves, get fat and let their bodies go… but she’s different.”  He was too crazy (and sad) for me to get mad at him... so I just responded, "I guess she probably doesn't say too much."

 He proceeded to tell me how he met Clara, his wife, as he was walking into (!!!!!!!!) a lingerie store and was captivated by her eyes.  I have to admit, the cel phone pic of her eyes was pretty… the only problem being that they’re fiberglass!!! 

“So,” I asked him, “how did you take her home?  Did you just walk out with her?  Or buy her?”  He told me that he called KROQ and they helped arrange the marriage but that the exact details were “secret.”  Not wanting to force him to betray any confidences, I let it go.  

He asked me if I wanted to see the wedding ring.  “No thanks, it would just make me feel bad about being single,” I told him.  He told me that they had been married on June 18th, so I had to congratulate him on his wedding.  Lol, since this was a PG-13 bus, I didn’t ask the question everyone was wondering about… whether he had… ummm, BEEN with his wife :)

Right about that time, he started to rearrange his things and Clara almost plummeted into my lap.  Luckily (for her AND me... since I don't want to think about what a black light would show on her!), he caught her, stood up and started wheeling her toward the exit. As he turned the suitcase, I saw that she had smeared black lipstick on her face ..   Recovering from my shock and horror, ‘Have a nice day,’ was the only thing that I could think of saying as he left.

I know… I should’ve left him alone, but I was uber curious about what was going on with him…. and, judging by the comments from everyone else after he got off of the bus,  I could tell that I had entertained the other people on the bus as they were all equally curious, but not quite as forward as I was.

I wished I had taken a few pics on my camera phone, but, continuing the theme of my Manic Monday morning, my cel phone was dead and needed a charge.  However, I’ve found a video of his wedding online (Thanks, Google!!!) from KROQ.  

Anyhow, I don't see how this day could get any stranger.  I wouldn't be shocked if I saw zebras running up Figueroa this afternoon... although I'm sure I'll see my share of obsessed crazy people tomorrow for the MJ funeral.  Well,  just had to share a bit of my morning with ya!