As a 37 year old woman, I face many of the difficulties that genetic women do when it comes to dating. I realize that 37 is no longer the spring chicken, but I feel lucky that most couldn’t guess my age... I look and feel much younger! Dating is another challenge. As a boy, I never really felt right taking the initiative, asking out a woman and being ‘the man’ on the date.
In the past few years, I’ve started dating as a woman… and, since I’ve started, I’ve gained a great deal of experience in dealing with men (which is ironic, considering I was born one). For starters, dating as a woman just feels natural; I don’t have any of that awkwardness I used to feel dating women as a man. Getting ready for a date, making myself look beautiful and hoping that my guy will appreciate it, just feels right. On the date, I also bring my world of dating experience, looking for things that I would’ve done for my date… like opening doors, paying compliments and being a gentleman… and wondering if they will be done for me.
Whether I knew how be a gentleman and treat women as *I* wanted to be treated or if guy’s just don’t know how to treat women, most, if not all, of the guys that I’ve dated have eventually gone into the ‘discard’ pile.
The last 3 weeks, on the other hand, have been completely different. I met a Roger on an online dating site. On paper, things looked good… he is 6’4” (tall enough for my 5’10” frame plus heels), he is a professional photographer (I love photography, from both sides of the camera), he is mature, has life experience and knows how to treat a lady. On our dates, he makes me feel loved, lusted after, protected and cherished. In essence, he is *everything* that I can ask for in a guy.
Of course my little slice of perfection is missing an ingredient… he doesn’t know that I am a transsexual. As an aside, my policy, when dating, is that I do not tell my date about my personal history unless I’m sure that there’s serious dating potential’ Why out myself to every straight guy out there if I don’t even know if there’s anything between us. If I feel that connection, or something special between us, then and only then will I tell them about my past. Before Roger, no other man that I’ve dated ever went past the ‘seeing if there’s a spark’ stage; the others always provided me with some reason to know that they would not work.
Roger, on the other hand, is perfect…. He’s the first guy that I’ve dated who truly makes me happy and treats me wonderfully. If things continued as they are now, he is someone that I could marry, start a family and grow old with. However, as I’ve mentioned, the biggest hurdle to my perfect life is that Roger doesn’t know that I am TG.
For the past few weeks, I’ve been laboring over and trying to decide whether I needed to tell Roger. While we have so much in common, I still can’t say that I feel a romantic love for him. Herein lies my ‘chicken versus egg’ quandary. Do I not feel that ‘romantic love’’ with him because of the uncertainty of how he would react once he found out that I am tg? Or, is my lack of a romantic spark due to a lack of romantic feelings toward him?
In the last week and a half, I’ve been trying to figure out the best way to broach this topic with him. I thought about telling him about a close tg friend of mine, to see if Roger would give me some insight into how he feels about transwomen.
Last night, Roger and I were using instant messenger to chat. I told him that, while I’m a happy and fun woman, that I wasn’t always this way. That, in the past few years, I’ve undergone a lot of personal growth and gained life experience that has made me the woman that I am today. While I didn’t tell him about my past, I was trying to ‘set the table’ so that we could have that chat.
However, what he told me caused me more concern about how he would react. He said that, ‘as long as you don’t tell me you used to be a man, we’re good!!!’ He went on to say that he wasn’t a woman before but that it’s possible he could’ve been one in a past life. I was awestruck, I was stunned, I was confused.... one of the most difficult parts of using instant messaging is that you can’t always tell what someone means when they type something since we don’t have those visual cues... no facial expressions, no wry grins, no winks, etc.
Which leaves me where I am this morning. He’s asked me to go with him to a friend’s Labor Day Barbecue. While I’d love to go, his words from last night haunt me. Was he serious? Was he just trying to be funny? I have to admit, this has all given me pause... I mean, if he’s serious, then this is a total deal breaker. No matter how much he professes to love me and want to be in my life, who knows how he will handle the news? Or, will his affection and feelings for me change that?
As of right now, I don’t have a good solution or answer to this problem. He’s been texting me this morning, asking if I wanted to go to the barbecue today. I’ve managed to put that on the back burner, telling him I was tired.
Where it stands right now is that I told him I’m going to go shopping this afternoon and will probably nibble on something. Although I hope he would never hurt me (he has martial arts training), I can’t really say for sure how he will react to the news I’m ts. I’ve selected a casual restaurant with lots of seats. I don’t know how he will take it, but I can only hope for the best. I do have feelings for him but, if it’s not in the cards, I need to let it go before either he or I get too attached.
Sometimes, it’s not easy being me... it’s not easy being TG. I’m not asking for sympathy, but this is one plight that we passable girls face... oftentimes, people don’t know which means that we have to have “The Talk.”
This will be my first “Talk” and I hope it works out well...
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