1. Kacee's Fortune Cookie say... In life, you need to have dynamic goals.
A month ago, I celebrated yet another birthday. My birthday routine normally involves sitting and reflecting on where I am in life and where I hoped to be. Ever since I was little, I always envisioned myself as being successful at work and having the All American family… wife, children, a house with a white picket fence, a labradoodle, etc.
This year, I vowed to change my thinking, deciding that my life goals don't need to be set in stone; they should be fluid and dynamic. Life is always changing and, as a result, my goals should be adjusted accordingly. I realized that, even though the idealized vision of what my 'grown up' life looked like as a kid is not going to happen, there can be other ways to 'have it all.' Whether it's coming home to a wife (or a husband), a labradoodle or even just Bear Bear… just because things aren't the way I dreamed they would be, doesn't mean that I've failed… I just need to redefine what 'success' is for me.
2. Kacee's Fortune Cookie say... I have two legs… I'm going to use them to stand on my own
In the past few weeks, I've really started to find myself. The weird thing is that I really haven't tried any harder or done anything different… except to trust and start to make a life for myself. While I still haven't made a final decision about which way I'm going with transitioning, I'm learning self confidence… and starting to honor myself.
Case in point, for my birthday, I went down to San Diego on my own. While I met up with a few friends and went out, I did spend the majority of my time in the city, doing my own thing. It's not (and hasn't been, for a long time) about trying to push the envelope about what I can do dressed… it's about being out as myself and experiencing the genuine pleasure of just being me. My San Diego experiences were just steps in my evolution and development as Karine.
In the past, when being out and about, I've also felt that I've needed my friends as a crutch. While I used to see myself as half of 'Kacee'n,' I now realize that true happiness comes from just being Kacee… the girl doing her own thing in the world. I can go out to a club, dance some (maybe after a drink… or three) and have a great time… or just treasuring the simple pleasures of wandering solo through art exhibit, going on a photography expedition or finding the right pair of flared jeans (deeply discounted and on sale, of course).
My fun doesn't depend on others… my life isn't about living in another person's shadow. I have found the self confidence and self respect to just be myself in the world. I'm not saying it's a bad thing to enjoy the support of friends for strength… I'm just saying that one shouldn't rely on. I have two legs and I'm learning to use them to stand on my own.
3. Kacee's Fortune Cookie say... Don't be afraid to be who you are
A lot of this may seem to be a 'duh,' but it's something that I also have to come to terms with. I am 'ME'… and I am the best me that anyone can be. This is something I learned at a retreat about a year ago… a valuable lesson in living life to the fullest and just being myself.
I'm anal retentive… I'm a type A personality… I worry about things… I over analyze things. However, I'm also fun…cheery… and have a great sense of humor. I love baking cookies and connecting with people and, once you get to know me, you'll uncover my bubbly and fun loving nature. I am loyal… I am loving… I am nurturing… I care deeply and have compassion for others. People, I am ME… the good, the bad and the ugly.
I was recently confronted with a choice… whether to be myself, warts and all, or whether to hide and suppress my own emotions and feelings. I am who I am just as other people are who they are. No one is 100% compatible in this world… so, if you're willing to make the effort for those you love, just have to work through those conflicts. In that instance, I chose to be me… just as I would urge others to be who they are.
4. Kacee's Fortune Cookie say... When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life doesn't give you any fruit, find something and juice the heck out of it
As most of you know, I'm not necessarily the most optimistic person. However, I'm working to be less pessimistic and have found that I am much better about looking to make the best out of any opportunity that comes my way. However, if those opportunities aren't presenting themselves, it's up to ME to make positive change in my life. It's up to me to find the resolve and dedication to attain my goals.
Which brings me to my point… use those lemons to make lemonade but, if you don't have any lemons, you need to find your own fruit… creating your own motivation to jump start that momentum. For example, I have often felt limited in my social outings ( not the club again!!!!!). It would be so easy to sit on my couch, watching Daily Show reruns, twiddling my thumbs and lamenting my fate. However, I've taken the initiative to find other groups and like minded fun seekers to branch out with. On Saturday, I'm planning on museuming during the day and seeing Mama Mia in the evening. On Sunday, I'm hoping to be out at a beach party.
Life has so many wonderful opportunities and I intend to try to follow through on as many as possible. If you would like to join me on my quest to live life, you're more than welcome. If not, it's your loss!
Anyhow, thanks for listening (reading). These little nuggets of wisdom may not mean much to you, but they've given me some clarity and direction… and, more importantly, a swift kick in the pants! I am me… I am Kacee… and I am Fabulous!
Love,
Kacee
