Dusting along the baseboards of the Augean Stable

               This is something that I posted to my regular, non tg/transition blog.  While, in its current form, it's not totally relevant to the issue of transition, I did have some tg life thoughts about it.

                If a friend starts posting anti tg/gay things on their Facebook wall, do you just delete them or do you try to talk to them to see what's going on?  For me, a particularly delicate issue is that I'm living, for the most part, stealth.  In talking to a friend, do I out myself and let them know how hurtful it is?  Or do I just speak in terms of 'my gay or tg friend?"

                I had a similar issue arise recently in a different context... this past weekend, I came out to a friend about being tg.  She told me that she already strongly suspected that for a few reasons, but, also because, at one point, we were talking about how an acquaintance, who claimed he was tg but was, in reality, just an attention whore weirdo.  I had raised the topic in the context of "I have tg friends.. I'm offended because it trivializes the struggle that my friends go through." My friend mentioned that she started to get suspicious because I was a bit too vigorous in my disapproval of what the crazy person was doing.  So, bring us back to my previous point... if you speak to the anti gay/tg person about it, how do you do it in such a way that you don't unintentionally out yourself?

               Hate speech isn't the only type of tiresome Facebook post; what about rah rah tg/gay friends who *ONLY* post things about being gay or tg?  While it's nice to have friends who are dedicated to the community, getting continuous spam on your Facebook wall about everything trans/gay is also annoying?  The decision to delete/talk is even more delicate because they think they're doing something positive to advance the community... and will not understand why you have a problem with it.

                  Anyhow, I really don't have an answer as to how to deal with the people I've just mentioned and the ones in the blog below... but I'd love to hear your thoughts!

               

================================================================

                 Today’s question of the hour is, “at what point do I start deleting or dealing with people because of the idiotic rubbish they post on Facebook?” 

                When I cleaned out the Augean Stables a few weeks ago, I got rid of a lot of dead weight, as well as people that I only kept around for ‘bad karma’ purposes (i.e. I wanna see what stupid, ridiculous stuff they say so I can snicker at it).  However, I left a few people on who aren’t really objectionable to me, but seem to relish starting political arguments or spamming the world with their ideology.

               

                I appreciate the fact that, on their own Facebook walls, people are allowed to say what they want (within limits, of course) and that it’s not my job, duty or right to shout them down ***on their own wall.***  A year ago, I had an extremely needy and self righteous acquaintance who felt that she was entitled to go onto *other* people’s Facebook walls and lecture them about the wrongs that they had committed in her eyes.  While I shut her down when she tried that on my page, she didn’t learn her lesson and continued her lecture series on a number of other friends’ walls.  When I called her on that, she blocked me… and, problem solved.  Still I doubt that this person has realized the errors of her ways but, if she doesn’t change, she’s going to lose more people and, eventually won’t have anyone to read her hourly prayer request solicitations (my ‘BINGO!!!’ request would’ve been one for sympathy because someone put the wrong emphasis on the second syllable of Gesundheit after she sneezed).

                I had a (now former) friend who, even though we resided in the same area of the political spectrum, spent her days going through blogs and pages, reposting… every…single… article… about how X, Y and Z were destroying America.  I deleted her (it didn’t hurt that I later learned she was a stark, raving, drama filled lunatic) because, even though it was a more politically compatible message with my views, I just couldn’t handle the crap overload... as well as the “I dare you to disagree with me” trolling that she was doing.  I had another (also now former) acquaintance at the opposite end of the spectrum, who wrote tomes to troll about how A, B, and C were destroying America.  When people dared to disagree with him, he and his cronies would just tee off on the dissent, calling them names, ridiculing them and saying inappropriate things.  While I never got involved in his posts, I was appalled that he allowed this crap to happen on his page and did not put an end to it.  I deleted him (it didn’t hurt that he was creepy).  These two examples are people who are clearly trolls and bullies… and I don’t regret their disappearance from my Facebook universe.

Getting back on topic, the thing about Facebook is that, when people start posting crap on their own walls, it ends up popping up on my news feed.  Don’t get me wrong… I have a few friends that post some political stuff, some funny stuff and some interesting stuff... that’s fine.  I’m thinking more about the political trollers whose posts are always inflammatory and overly opinionated.  Facebook, thankfully, has given me a number of options to effectively deal with these posts.  Which brings me back to my main point... what do I do with Facebook friends who are otherwise nice people, but whose political venom and bias spill out in every post they put online?  Do I hide them?  Do I delete them?  Do I block them? Do I tell them to knock it off?

I, unfortunately, don’t have an answer.  It’s still not my place to tell someone that ‘your posts are at an 11, take it down to a 6,’ so I’m left to make a choice whether I want to sever that friendship or block/hide them, sending them into the Facebook equivalent of “The Sixth Sense” (yeah, we’re friends, but I don’t see you).  None of these options are particularly ideal, but I have to evaluate how irritated I am by their posts versus the value of their friendship. 

Do you all have a universal rule that you follow?  Or is it more of a case by case analysis?  The Facebook friendship of someone who you don’t know hangs in the balance!