Its funny how time on the road often gives you time to think. I was driving home from a game at Staples Center tonight and had an opportunity to think about things… and the blog I posted the other night… and, in particular, the responses.
It is interesting that I spent the majority of the blog-space talking about the various emotions that I was feeling at the moment. However, many of the responses I received (some in posted comments, but many as private emails), dealt with the 'lovelorn' emotion.
In doing my internet research, the main definition of 'lovelorn' is being "bereft of love." Wow... that's kinda rough sounding, isn't it? Deprived of love? Well, you'll be happy to know that things aren't that bad. I mean, I do have love in my life… love from my family… and also love from my friends. However, the love that I am lacking is that romantic love (wow, how sad and desperate sounding is that?).
Now that I sound totally pitiful, please know that I'm not some sort of clingy girl, looking for any attachment and settling for whatever comes along… and don't worry, things aren't as sad and pitiful as they sound :) This is where my 'thinking while driving' thingy sort of comes into play.
Amongst my high school friends, I'm one of the last single people. A year ago, I would have felt horrible about myself because of that, but, today, I'm actually OK with it. Part of that comes from the fact that I'm still kinda indecisive about things. I'm still mulling the 'am I looking for a boy or a girl?' question in my mind… and realize that, until I am able to come close to resolving that question, I'll never be able to feel 100% comfortable giving my pure, unconditional love to anyone.
Perhaps the easiest way to start resolving this question is just to live life. That's easy, isn't it? But don't worry, I'm already on that!
I'm also a firm believer in balance. If one aspect of life is out of balance, all others will be too. If I'm able to find balance in one part of life, hopefully the other parts will fall into place too. As for finding that balance, well, that's just a bit more difficult than living life. With a job transfer Downtown (hopefully an improvement, although my commute just went from 8 minutes to over an hour), hopefully things will get better… we'll see, I guess.
Btw, I just have to say…. As part of my 'living life' thingy, I was out at a club with the girls on Friday. I was 'Keeper of the Purses" for part of the evening… in an attempt to amuse myself, I created the sculpture below… I call it "I wish they mixed stronger drinks here!" It's not a Duchamp or anything, but it's unexpected and shatters conventions, right?
Anyhow… back to living life!
Love,
Kacee
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